I'm laying on my back. My partner is barely moving inside of me. I feel completely open; a cosmic portal...a gateway to the mysteries, the Great Unmoving.
My breath is breathing me, through me.
A star explodes in my head and the Light from it instructs me to pass through this vortex to focus my intention beyond my head. My hands know to go there, they feel for the gateway and as it opens I'm there, on the cross, merged with the Christ, Jeshua.
I'm hardly breathing, in a state of suspended animation as I intentionally allow my mind to have this experience, not holding back. I trust my partner completely to know it's okay, that he can allow me this space.
My whole body, my Being, is illuminated Light, I radiate Gold. The agony is exquisite and cannot be distinguished from the ecstasy. Love and fear co-exist. Death is not separate from Life; it is a part of it.
Something shifts within my mind and doubt creeps in. Fear now holds more space than Love. A question in my mind "Have I been abandoned...? Am I alone?"
I breathe, I relax, I allow expansion into love and the tears come, such a deep deep grief, a chasm that feels unthinkable. I surrender to it. So much release, so much Love floods in, soothing, holding, renewing me, healing.
I'm shattered, spent.