Performance anxiety is a major cause of misery in the bedroom. And what happens in the bedroom filters out into the rest of our lives. That is not an exaggeration in the least.
We may not realise it but everything we do, all that we are, comes from our sexual energy, our creative life force.
Everything is affected when we do not allow ourselves to flow with life, and life to flow through us.
Sexuality is quite literally the root of who we are as beings: Our sexual centre is located in the perineum region and is the base, or that which stands under and supports the rest of our centres. It’s our roots, our connection to the earth and to each other, and without it, you wouldn't be here.
Alongside Performance anxiety I will add some more P words: Pressure, Protection, Producing and Providing . . . and Pissed off!!! I could add Penis to that list but I wouldn’t want to restrict these concerns to only men because this applies to women too!
We may not realise it but everything we do, all that we are, comes from our sexual energy, our creative life force.
Everything is affected when we do not allow ourselves to flow with life, and life to flow through us.
Sexuality is quite literally the root of who we are as beings: Our sexual centre is located in the perineum region and is the base, or that which stands under and supports the rest of our centres. It’s our roots, our connection to the earth and to each other, and without it, you wouldn't be here.
Alongside Performance anxiety I will add some more P words: Pressure, Protection, Producing and Providing . . . and Pissed off!!! I could add Penis to that list but I wouldn’t want to restrict these concerns to only men because this applies to women too!
Have you ever faked it because of performance pressure? Truth is that whether we in male or female bodies it makes no difference – the masculine within us all feels the Pressure of these P’s and it to say it creates tremendous misery would be a vast understatement. They all add up to a great deal of stress and that in turn creates a spiralling down affect which makes it very hard to get out of the ‘ditch of despair and depression’ that we can so easily find ourselves in.
It often shows up first in our sex lives and usually it shows up more obviously in men – as they are in the male body and therefore display the strongest outward manifestation of masculine (or yang) force and as such, traditionally are the ones who are ‘supposed’ to Perform, Protect, Provide. But as I’ve already said, it would be foolish to exclude women as they too experience all of these symptoms of stress. Loss of libido, diminishing Potency and Pleasure, Premature ejaculation (there’s some more P’s!) self-worth and confidence issues…to name just a few.
But even say we are just a little Pissed off with our Performance, whether that be in the bedroom, boardroom or back-room studio – it doesn’t matter whether it’s sex or studying or secretarial work because Pressure to Perform, Provide, Produce and Protect saps us of our vital life-force energy and we can become quite literally dried up. It’s all about balance! We need to create balance in our lives is the common cry.
It often shows up first in our sex lives and usually it shows up more obviously in men – as they are in the male body and therefore display the strongest outward manifestation of masculine (or yang) force and as such, traditionally are the ones who are ‘supposed’ to Perform, Protect, Provide. But as I’ve already said, it would be foolish to exclude women as they too experience all of these symptoms of stress. Loss of libido, diminishing Potency and Pleasure, Premature ejaculation (there’s some more P’s!) self-worth and confidence issues…to name just a few.
But even say we are just a little Pissed off with our Performance, whether that be in the bedroom, boardroom or back-room studio – it doesn’t matter whether it’s sex or studying or secretarial work because Pressure to Perform, Provide, Produce and Protect saps us of our vital life-force energy and we can become quite literally dried up. It’s all about balance! We need to create balance in our lives is the common cry.
But what is not often realised it that balance is not something we can impose from the outside as that only creates more Pressure and Perpetuates goal driven Performance. What is needed is to remove the goals of (sexual) Performance and allow space into our sexual and sensual experiences. In this way we learn to relax, open and discover new ways of experiencing our sexuality. The paradox is that we must be both willing to go there and willing to let go of the need to go there in order to get there! It’s a goalless goal.
Working with the Polarity of masculine and feminine energies is what Tantra is all about. Allowing the free flow of life energy to express through us without blocking or trying to control it. Yes, it takes Practise but most people would testify that it’s not Painful to Practise, it’s pleasurable – so don’t Procrastinate any further, start today!
Working with the Polarity of masculine and feminine energies is what Tantra is all about. Allowing the free flow of life energy to express through us without blocking or trying to control it. Yes, it takes Practise but most people would testify that it’s not Painful to Practise, it’s pleasurable – so don’t Procrastinate any further, start today!
One Heart Tantra coaching, massage, tantric meditation, intimacy, empowerment and energy work…workshops or private sessions – all work to help you become more yourself, and to let go of that which blocks your flow. I'm here to help you to quite literally ‘Awaken to the Bliss of Your Own Being.’
Whether you are in a partnership or not, tantra and sacred sexuality coaching helps you to get into yourself in yummy, fun and growth-inducing ways...
Tantra Massage is perfect for couples to explore intimacy in anew way - take the pressure off yourselves to have sexual intercourse.
Tantra Massage is perfect for couples to explore intimacy in anew way - take the pressure off yourselves to have sexual intercourse.
Exercise in Self-Pleasuring
Here’s a very simple exercise that will help Prolong your sexual Pleasure and also help you to open, expand and find deeper meaning in your sexuality and spirituality – it is also one of the keys for men to be able to separate ejaculation and orgasm. This is a very simple yet powerful self-care tool and Prevention is better than a cure as they say! All in all, I honestly could not give you a better, more effective or more far-reaching meditation to do - ye I know I'm banging on about the great benefits of masturbation yet again! But if you’d like to read more on the philosophy and benefits you can find the full article called Masturbation, Self-Love and Tantra, click here.
To make love to yourself: Begin to masturbate and stop at the point just before orgasm. Put your attention in your heart, and let the energy go there…. The exact point to stop is the point where you know that one more stroke will make you come. Just take your hand away, and let the energy go up to the heart – very simple (yes, I know it’s hard…!) After each rush of energy to the heart resume masturbating, repeating the cycle, until there seems to be no more energy, or when you feel like stopping. There is no prohibition against orgasm, only the requirement to delay it, letting the energy go to the heart first. Delaying orgasms in this manner will make them more intense.
Here’s a very simple exercise that will help Prolong your sexual Pleasure and also help you to open, expand and find deeper meaning in your sexuality and spirituality – it is also one of the keys for men to be able to separate ejaculation and orgasm. This is a very simple yet powerful self-care tool and Prevention is better than a cure as they say! All in all, I honestly could not give you a better, more effective or more far-reaching meditation to do - ye I know I'm banging on about the great benefits of masturbation yet again! But if you’d like to read more on the philosophy and benefits you can find the full article called Masturbation, Self-Love and Tantra, click here.
To make love to yourself: Begin to masturbate and stop at the point just before orgasm. Put your attention in your heart, and let the energy go there…. The exact point to stop is the point where you know that one more stroke will make you come. Just take your hand away, and let the energy go up to the heart – very simple (yes, I know it’s hard…!) After each rush of energy to the heart resume masturbating, repeating the cycle, until there seems to be no more energy, or when you feel like stopping. There is no prohibition against orgasm, only the requirement to delay it, letting the energy go to the heart first. Delaying orgasms in this manner will make them more intense.
Guys - this is a very good reason to practise the self-pleasuring technique/meditation or book yourself some tantra time. Ladies, well, it didn't happen for me until I was 43... but I'm making up for that now.